Just last year at the end of summer we took a trip up to Quadra Island,
We had breakfast on Rebecca Spit enjoying the beauty and the silence,
When a man came up to me, and he told me where it's at,
He said "Son, everything you know is wrong, and the Earth is actually flat!"

So needless to say I was blown away by the scope of this revelation
How had I made it thirty six years without hearing this information
And if I had a moment, he'd tell me all he knew,
And I said, "For this, I got all day" and down the rabbit hole we flew!

So apparently the world is a frisbee completely surrounded by ice,
The sky is made of water, we all live in a bubble inside,
And gravity and quantum mechanics are both mathematical mistakes,
And anything that didn't fit into his theory was obviously fake!

Chorus
Everything is fake! The world is just a lie,
The sun, the moon, and the stars are a hoax,
They're all NASA fabricated CGI
Everything is fake! A grand conspiracy,
But we Flat Earthers, we know the truth, and the truth shall set you free!

So I peppered him with all sorts of questions to which he had every answer,
The same evil men who were perpetuating this were withholding the cure to cancer,
They were responsible for 9/11, and Area 51,
They even faked the deaths of Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and Jim Morrison,

So with a wave of his lips he explained the eclipse, and GPS, and satellites,
The sun and the moon were really quite close, and only 33 miles wide, and I was almost convinced, but that was when it hit me,
How come it still only takes 14 hours to fly from Santiago to Sidney?

He said
Everything is fake! The world is just a lie,
The sun, the moon, and the stars are a hoax,
They're all NASA fabricated CGI
Everything is fake! A grand conspiracy,
But we Flat Earthers, we know the truth, and the truth shall set you free!

So I got to wondering how anyone could believe such obvious crap,
That was when I realized we had a history of doing that,
And this was just a brand-new spin on an age-old ideology,
Hell, if you could get Tom Cruise to believe it, it could be the next Scientology!

It must feel great to be the only one who's right,
Kind of like believing every one else goes to hell when they die,
And as for these Flat Earthers, at least their agenda isn't deadly,
So if you\re gonna join a cult, it might as well be friendly.

He tipped his hat, said good-bye, and continued on his way,
Off to drop more knowledge bombs upon folks he met that day,
But he had one last thing to tell me, he knew that I'd be thrilled,
To hear that they were the Flat Earth Society, and they've got members 'round the world!

Everything is fake! The world is just a lie,
The sun, the moon, and the stars are a hoax,
They're all NASA fabricated CGI
Everything is fake! A grand conspiracy,
But we Flat Earthers, we know the truth, and the truth shall set you free

Flat Earthers, got it figured out,
Flat Earthers, beyond unreasonable doubt
Flat Earthers, here to let you know,
That you're all just brainwashed citizens of an imaginary globe